Thursday, June 3, 2010
I'm trying to decide if joining an online dating service is worth it? Not just paying the fee, but the time and effort to try to meet someone online. Do I want to write a profile, take pictures, and then pray that it attracts some decent person? I have spoken to many that have had good success with online dating, but how do you make it work? How do you write a profile that really showcases who you are? How do you take and post the perfect picture that will attract that guy? So many choices; no answers. Just another day being single and starting over at 40. It sucks.....
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
If you had told me 20 years ago that I would be single and starting over at 40, I would have never had believed you. My life has gone through so many changes these last 20 years with the past 10 bringing new loves & friends, so many different places that I called home. My mind spins at all the changes and moves that have occurred to one person. I have searched for that one true love, that one place to really be home, that one job that would complete me and today I'm still searching. I think with my 4oth approaching fast...(6/19) the aloneness is creeping into my mind causing my soul to search deeper than it ever has. Does one ever truly find their place? I see people and know people that seem to have that place, but I don't think I have ever had it. Even in good relationships where I was in love, I never felt completely safe. Safe from the break-up that was just around the corner; safe from that job that paid the bills disappearing; safe from those dark feelings that crept into my mind late at night when I couldn't sleep. Is it me??? Are my standards too high? Am I searching for something that does not exist? How do you ever really know? Know if he is the right one; know if this will be the job; know if this is where you can put down roots? How do we know? Who has the answers? Does anyone? I pray. I pray daily. I pray for answers and guidance. I pray for a better job that feeds my soul. I pray for that man that will love ME. Not after he changes me, but me now. I pray for that place to call home that I can put roots down and 20 years from now still be there. I am single and starting over at 40....completely over. So many questions and no answers.